Wow, that was deep, man.

--
I'm the VP of ~XanimeheadsX
Have you made your payment? ~REPO-Army
I'm Ram in the Disney Character Claimer Crew![link]
Glory glory to the Red Team!~Red-vs-Blue-Society

UP THE IRONS!

Thank you! I well, kinda went for that. Umm...I had a friend who critiqued this for me, and this is what I said in reply to the comment:

Thank you so much!

You see, I always feel that when I make an abstract work that it's sorta bad because it has no idea behind it, but when I look at my abstract work it always has an idea that I did not percieve to be there. I remember that there is a work called Monks of Elondale in the back of my gallery that, although looking to me like lots of hooded monks, one of my friends actually came by and said that it looked like a knight strangling a dragon, with some kind of dryad just standing there watching.

At the time that I drew that picture I had no idea what I was doing, but I was pissed off at something quite similar to a dragon, so, having that night there strangling the dragon meant something to me.

I expressed my thoughts without trying to.

Oh, and I don't know if you know this or not, but the narrator is actually me, I was writing that from the very heart of myself, and although it sounds narcissistic in some places, I only wrote what was true, because I hardly ever come out of my shell fully onto the internet.

I'm afraid because the last time I did that it created a fucked up situation that resulted in the deletion of my old account. This DocRobert account was something that I made as a refuge because I loved deviantart, and the attention that it gave my work. It's the same reason why I went to you to ask why you liked it, because my art, to me, never really got any criticism. I never truly understood why my art was good/bad, which brings me to the point of why I even had to delete my account anyway.

Those people, those people that I knew as friends, those, demons (just about literal demons, no joke) found my account, and just as I started to talk to them, they started bringing up this shit, like my real name, even though I never even called them that.

THEY USED MY REAL FUCKING NAME TO BULLY ME ON THE INTERNET BECAUSE OF MY OPINIONS OF THEM. THIS ISN'T FUCKING FACEBOOK.

This is deviantart, and I never even used their names. Plus, I didn't make up a huge group to go after them, but they did that to me. I had to deflect a shitstorm of comments on my page because they all did it at once. During this period they all became my enemies, and one of my most favourite friends, that I've known for 5 years stabbed me in the back.

All because of what I said. All because of who I am. Then, they told all this shit to my band director, and I almost got kicked out of my high school marching band.

And what did I have to say that kept me in? I had to refute my words as some sort of cruel joke. I had to say that my honest, and true beyond belief words were real, and call them lies.

This was the preulde for last year, and what made things so awful. It didn't stop, though. They even brung up pictures that were so called "controversial" to my own principal, and said that if I didn't take it down, I would be suspended.

Fucking bullshit.

Now that tard, who poisoned every facet of my life when I was around him, is now my enemy, and the drum major of my marching band, which I resigned from last year.

Because of last year I dropped out of school and went into a program that is going to get me a high school diploma, and not a GED, and although this douche is not the complete reason, he's still a part of the equation, and it's still partially his fucking fault.

School just started for those that are still in that flawed system of thought, and while I sit in my house and become a myth, he struts around, literally telling people that the reason that I dropped out was because I was afraid of him.

You see, this is what happens to me. I hit one essential plot of data, and every little thing connected to it just spills out too. I hate to write so much, and I'm sure that you have heard bits and pieces of it before, but now at least you know the preamble to why I was so...angry...and as you said, bitter.

I am very bitter about this because all I ever advocated was justice and truth, but all I got was poison and lies. Just another way that the world as we know it is fucked up.

What actually brung me to dropping out was that there were so many other people and other variables in the equation that every time something like this would happen, someone would press one of those buttons, like you just saw. This would happen every day. Everyone saw that something was wrong with me, but noone gave a fucking damn. They always thought that I was the sunshine of the world, and that maybe I had just hit a patch, or that I was on drugs, or something until I fucking broke down in the library in the middle of a research project. I hadn't read my book or done any of my homework because, one, it didn't fucking matter, and two, I didn't have any motivation or gusto left in my body because it was spent. So I cried in the library for about the whole time that we were there. And it wasn't a small cry, where you could pretend to be sleeping or something, but it's the kind where you make noises as you are inhaling aire. I couldn't hold the tears back, and as all my classmates watched, they saw someone who was eternally happy in their eyes become the sorriest sod in the school. I hated that day. I hated that day so much.

Even my teacher, my english teacher who knew that I was better than nothing, (which is what I was doing for the year) couldn't go near me. She knew exactly what I was feeling and she didn't want to be around because she knew that she would make it worse. Yet, this was the only day that people saw me for who I was, and even though people didn't know what had really set me off, it was apparent that I needed help, and what cheered me up so much was that people came me and asked me if I needed help. I turned them down because I knew that it would make my crying worse, but people still actively cared for me, knew that I was hurt.

After that, and some lunch spent alone, with the addition of a fanta that I bought I felt better, but it still hurt (if you are ever feeling bad, buy an orange fanta because it can almost cure all sadness, I swear).

After that nothing was the same. I was techinically outside of the crowd even though I was never inside of it, and that's also when I stared to become a myth. It always happens to drop out kids, but it happened to me even while in school.

And that's why I say that people think that I am great, and why people hate me, because it's so damn true. Some people think that I am the most amazing person in the school, but I am just doing what I feel, just doing what makes me happy and makes me...well, me. If it means skipping a 1hour and thirty minute block-schedule class to go shoot some hoops, or break dancing in the hallway, or drawing abstract shit, I do it because it's me, and noone else.

But when I get that diploma, I'll return and tell them that I am not a myth, that I fucked the system over and that I am not afraid of one asshole.

I'll return.

I'll return."

Anyway, that's what I wrote and I thought that it applied to you as well, because, it's hard to know what drives a person without them telling you something of their life. Why so much shit happens in my life is just life, I guess, and it's alright for me, because there is still something that didn't happen.

They couldn't take all my happiness away from me. I am happy now, and they can't get to me or that, and they never, ever will.

--
"We live in a world with no bounds, besides your own.

We do not live in Hell, so therefore Murphy does not have a law.

Every end always fails to stop a new beginning." -Doc R.

"Imagination is more important than Intelligence." -A. Einstein

Jesus! You've got a tough skin, man!

--
I'm the VP of ~XanimeheadsX
Have you made your payment? ~REPO-Army
I'm Ram in the Disney Character Claimer Crew![link]
Glory glory to the Red Team!~Red-vs-Blue-Society

UP THE IRONS!

Heh, I wish it wasn't so tough, but that's me.

--
"We live in a world with no bounds, besides your own.

We do not live in Hell, so therefore Murphy does not have a law.

Every end always fails to stop a new beginning." -Doc R.

"Imagination is more important than Intelligence." -A. Einstein